on new year's resolutions
Every year around the end of the year this meta-debate arises over the voracity/necessity of New Year's Resolutions (NYRs).
There are the haters who say things like:
1) I don't believe in NYRs, so I'm not going to make any
2) Why even make NYRs, you aren't going to keep them anyway?
3) What's so special about the New Year?
4) Didn't you say that last year?
I'm favorably disposed towards NYRs, so it's always bothered me that if you want to make your own, that your only choices are to ignore the haters or descend into the mud wallow and eventually prove them right.
"I learned long ago, never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it."
- George Bernard Shaw
But why do haters even exist for this? If you want to eat healthy or read the Bible or exercise more or quit smoking or finish your degree, why would your "friends" be anything but encouraging and supportive? I doubt if you asked the haters directly that they'd say they were necessarily against you improving, I just think they're covering for feelings of inadequacy or past failures of their own. But why do people feel the need to resist others' resolutions?
It takes courage to publish your personal goals. I don't know anyone that meets every goal, so by publishing it, you're also making your failure public. That takes guts. I admire guts. To me that's reason enough not to hate on people's NYRs.
But the inability to stage a coherent opposition to the haters has always nagged at me.
Until now.
I had an epiphany the other day while reading "How Will You Measure Your Life" by Clayton Christensen, an esteemed Professor of Business Administration at the Harvard Business School.
In Chapter 10 Brother Christensen deconstructs the fallacy of doing something "Just this once..." In his own words, "It's easier to hold to your principles 100% of the time than it is to hold to them 98% of the time." He gives the personal example of when he was the starting center on the Oxford University basketball team and they qualified for the finals of the British championship series. Suddenly they were facing their first-ever Sunday game which presented Clay, a deeply religious man, with a dilemma because he had decided long ago never to break the Sabbath. The pressure from his coach and teammates was immense. "In so many ways, that was a small decision involving one of several thousand Sundays in my life. In theory, surely I could have crossed over the line 'just that one time' and then not done it again. But looking back on it I realized that...[it] proved to be one of the most important decisions of my life."
He didn't do it. He sat out of the game.
So how does this relate to New Year's Resolutions? People set goals and with goals come boundaries. And a huge problem arises the first time you fail to live up to your goals. Said Clayton Christensen, "As soon as [you] take that first step [across the line] there [is] no longer a boundary where it suddenly [makes] sense to turn around. The next step is always a small one and given what you've already done, why stop now? ... The boundary is powerful...because you don't cross it."
So my epiphany was that people make NYRs because they're trying to re-draw the boundaries and reclaim the power that comes from having a clear boundary. People want to SUCCEED and meet their goals, but they need some power. And they need your help.
Here's my not-so-meek response to the haters:
1) I don't believe in NYRs, so I'm not going to make any.
A: Fine, don't but if you aren't going to support mine, keep your feelings of inadequacy and complacency to yourself.
2) Why even make NYRs, you aren't going to keep them anyway?
A: You don't know that. Everyone who succeeded at something started somewhere. Just because you want to stay in the barrel doesn't mean I have to.
3) What's so special about the New Year?
A: The New Year represents a new chance to re-draw my line so I can tap into some power and meet my goals. It isn't just arbitrary, it's a deliberate attempt to tap into the positive energy and spirit of renewal among fellow optimists this time of year.
4) Didn't you say that last year?
A: Yeah, I did, but unlike you, I haven't given up yet.
So this year when your friends start posting New Year's Resolutions and your feelings of inadequacy start to bubble up and turn you into a cynic, resist. Acknowledge their desire to draw on the power that comes from having a clear boundary where it makes sense to turn around and be supportive.
Don't be a hater.
There are the haters who say things like:
1) I don't believe in NYRs, so I'm not going to make any
2) Why even make NYRs, you aren't going to keep them anyway?
3) What's so special about the New Year?
4) Didn't you say that last year?
I'm favorably disposed towards NYRs, so it's always bothered me that if you want to make your own, that your only choices are to ignore the haters or descend into the mud wallow and eventually prove them right.
"I learned long ago, never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it."
- George Bernard Shaw
But why do haters even exist for this? If you want to eat healthy or read the Bible or exercise more or quit smoking or finish your degree, why would your "friends" be anything but encouraging and supportive? I doubt if you asked the haters directly that they'd say they were necessarily against you improving, I just think they're covering for feelings of inadequacy or past failures of their own. But why do people feel the need to resist others' resolutions?
It takes courage to publish your personal goals. I don't know anyone that meets every goal, so by publishing it, you're also making your failure public. That takes guts. I admire guts. To me that's reason enough not to hate on people's NYRs.
But the inability to stage a coherent opposition to the haters has always nagged at me.
Until now.
I had an epiphany the other day while reading "How Will You Measure Your Life" by Clayton Christensen, an esteemed Professor of Business Administration at the Harvard Business School.
In Chapter 10 Brother Christensen deconstructs the fallacy of doing something "Just this once..." In his own words, "It's easier to hold to your principles 100% of the time than it is to hold to them 98% of the time." He gives the personal example of when he was the starting center on the Oxford University basketball team and they qualified for the finals of the British championship series. Suddenly they were facing their first-ever Sunday game which presented Clay, a deeply religious man, with a dilemma because he had decided long ago never to break the Sabbath. The pressure from his coach and teammates was immense. "In so many ways, that was a small decision involving one of several thousand Sundays in my life. In theory, surely I could have crossed over the line 'just that one time' and then not done it again. But looking back on it I realized that...[it] proved to be one of the most important decisions of my life."
He didn't do it. He sat out of the game.
So how does this relate to New Year's Resolutions? People set goals and with goals come boundaries. And a huge problem arises the first time you fail to live up to your goals. Said Clayton Christensen, "As soon as [you] take that first step [across the line] there [is] no longer a boundary where it suddenly [makes] sense to turn around. The next step is always a small one and given what you've already done, why stop now? ... The boundary is powerful...because you don't cross it."
So my epiphany was that people make NYRs because they're trying to re-draw the boundaries and reclaim the power that comes from having a clear boundary. People want to SUCCEED and meet their goals, but they need some power. And they need your help.
Here's my not-so-meek response to the haters:
1) I don't believe in NYRs, so I'm not going to make any.
A: Fine, don't but if you aren't going to support mine, keep your feelings of inadequacy and complacency to yourself.
2) Why even make NYRs, you aren't going to keep them anyway?
A: You don't know that. Everyone who succeeded at something started somewhere. Just because you want to stay in the barrel doesn't mean I have to.
3) What's so special about the New Year?
A: The New Year represents a new chance to re-draw my line so I can tap into some power and meet my goals. It isn't just arbitrary, it's a deliberate attempt to tap into the positive energy and spirit of renewal among fellow optimists this time of year.
4) Didn't you say that last year?
A: Yeah, I did, but unlike you, I haven't given up yet.
So this year when your friends start posting New Year's Resolutions and your feelings of inadequacy start to bubble up and turn you into a cynic, resist. Acknowledge their desire to draw on the power that comes from having a clear boundary where it makes sense to turn around and be supportive.
Don't be a hater.
posted by Ben at 17:54
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